Saturday, March 15, 2014
Babys first words!
HEY YALL!!! As you know, my daughter is ONE! Shee is far past her first words. They were "DADA". How hurt was I when I heard this? I CRIED! Literally tears RUSHING down my face. How could she? She came from ME! I am with her EVERYDAY and EVERYNIGHT. I am the one who let her eat from me even though it HURT LIKE HELL!! I destroyed my body for her! I wake up everytime she makes a wimper to make sure shes okay! I buy her all the cute clothes, I TAKE HER PICTURES! I Play with her! I PRAISE her! ... then reality hit. She is a baby. She doesn't know that saying "DADA" actually means that she is calling her father's name. EVEN though he liked to throw that in my face. Everytime I heard her say it, it made me cringe. "when will she say mama?" "does my baby even like me?" Even though I knew she didnt say it because she loves him more, it hurt me. I was happy for HIM that she said his name! To see his face light up was beautiful BUT I couldn't help but think the negative. I thought my baby HATED me all because she said DADA first. Looking back it all seems silly, to think about how sad I got everytime something happened. Everytime someone told me one of her "first's" that happened while I wasn't there. I was SO mad that nobody would lie and pretend like it didn't happen just so I could see my baby do it first! How selfish of them! No how selfish of me. Now? She says MAMA MAMA MAMA MAMA all day long. She wants her sippy cup, "MAMA MAMA". She's tired, "MAAMAA" She wants me to pick her up "MAAAAMAAAMAAMAAA". Does it make me feel good? ABSOLUTELY! Once I let go of the fact that it is not a competition when it comes to my baby, she will always be mine. She will always love me and look up to me! Just because she may cuddle up to someone else or give them kisses, doesn't mean she wont do it to me. I'm finally learning to let other people enjoy it as well!! I guess the fact that I work ALL THE TIME doesn't help. I want to be close to my daughter but I also want to support her. I can't be like those people who sit down and live off the government, its sickening. Anywhoo, any other mamas out there that felt like me?! Or are feeling like that now?!
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